Where to start? First the back story but please try to get to the end of this very long post. There’s a good punch line.
July13th. Given out at home by Barnet’s ‘umpire’- their injured vice captain I’m told. Something Barnet failed to tell the home side. Stunned by the decision, I murmured “how’s that out”? Murmured audibly. Followed by a few seconds delay. And on my way I went.
A rhetorical question to myself and brief shock was reported to the Middlesex County Cricket League as abuse, swearing at the umpire etc by Barnet Barclays. Another team mate was cited for saying to the ‘umpire’ “either you’re a f**king cheat or you don’t what you’re doing or you’re f**king blind.” Club gave us a two match suspended ban. End of the matter?
No. Like all low drama, this took on a weak fizzling energy of its own. Not good enough said the MCCL. We want bans not suspended bans. One player took a 2 match ban. The other player, a barrack room lawyer and professional quarreller looking for more drama to fill his blog with decided to stretch things out, fight it and see where it meandered; with any luck a court of law, I hope. Some oxygen for the site. Redfern v Middlesex County Cricket League. What luck!
Back to the drama. June 13th game saw 4 ‘questionable’ decisions. Aug 15th had one less. But by a different umpire; their regular; their club’s Hon secretary. I have looped the best decision on the video. They’ll be using it at umpire school for years to come. After the game, as we shook hands- we won a low scoring game by one wicket chasing 148- Barnet’s Hon Sec approached a group huddled round the camera and asked “film the whole game did ya?”
Yes I said.
“Yeah to watch at your own leisure no doubt”, he gruffed.
Wisely said nowt. The last time we spoke - at the end of the home game on july 13th- was on the boundary as I made for the car. We had a courteous chat I thought. Yet part of that natter : “you should take that bloke to all your games… you won’t be bottom of the league for long” was cited in the misdemeanour charge. Sarcasm banned by the Middlesex County Cricket League. They’ve got a law about conduct on the field of play with field of play meaning all areas of the ground. Lesson here. Wait till your opponents are outside the ground to share any civil or uncivil thoughts.
More hooha. After Aug 15th match child protection issues were raised about filming. Barnet claimed a sixteen year old was playing. Cos I’m a wrong’ un I could only recall Chris Morris’s Brass eye sketch “..So is this the British Isles, or is this the Paedophiles!!? Austin Tassletine investigates….” when I heard the complaint. Dissent, abuse, paedophilia. Cricket Wahala.
Racism has also been thrown into the mix. Got a bit worried when one of the most popular searches for June’s posts on the site was “cheating asian teams, cheating asian umpires, sing song pakistani accent” etc. I had to rewrite bits (not the bit where I said I was a racist) of that post to please some of my own club’s officials who were worried about the contents of the blog. Was told to make explicit this was my personal blog; to remove and change certain entries and bear certain things in mind for future posts. When I stopped laughing, I started laughing again, till I cried, till my throat dried.
What next? Oct 1st at Ealing Cricket Club 6pm.Date for hearing announced mid september. Been preparing all hours; studying the league’s disciplinary code; briefing my lawyer; trying to get the league to point out where in the code it says they can call a hearing out of season for a matter that came to light during the season, which I was available to answer during the season and couldn’t answer during the season because the disciplinary committee didn’t set a date. Any penalty has to be one for the future; to come next season surely?
Natural justice, famed British justice, will prevail naturally. Not worried to be told that I may have to explain comments made in the blog to MCCL. Equally thrilled that the committee’s convenor has said the blog compounded matters. No prejudice there. Procedure sound too. Authority, areas of and other words like, hell, who, they, think, are, spin in ma tiny head.
But the punch line of this twatfest is saved till last. Barnet Barclays reported two players on June 13th. There was a third offender on our side that day. Team’s not an unruly mob btw. Honest. The 3rd dissenter wasn’t cited. Small coincidence this lad was an Urdu speaking Briton of Pakistani descent; a proper Watford boy. There was no cultural affinity between him and the Urdu speaking Barnet Barclays team; no bond shared when they spoke a little Urdu to each other after the game about his dismissal. No it was only a coincidence Barnet Barclays sneaked on the white man and black man and left out the brown man. And I’m the racist!
3 Comments
That was higher than Joe Cocker.
If you want to mention that you aren’t the only blogger playing in the league am happy to be a blogging referee for you. I have even questioned if other sides have cheated.
Ta fella. This business needs a light hearted approach. The word cheating seems to arouse a lot of passion. Note I discussed cheating but haven’t accused opponents of it.
But in the back of our minds we all suspect the worst, rightly or wrongly. This suspicion makes cricket a terrible game. There are bad decisions and there are inexplicable decisions; one, two, three of the latter you begin to think the worst. Sadly Barnet were relegated.
look at the keeper on film, he hasn’t even appealed. Now that’s a first. Lbw, silence from keeper
Go well
Same here. I never said another team were cheating, just questioned the amazing consistency of square leg umpires who couldn’t see the line. In Australia this is all more clean cut, you just assume the other team is cheating, and everyone gets on well. Mostly.
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