I agitated all winter; day dreaming in spare moments about reaching a 100. This was the hardest winter in memory; up there with 1812’s. Last seasons failures wouldn’t go away. I decided to see a sports psychologist. I needed help didn’t I ? Perhaps it was all mental. Doubt put me to one side and said give it a go. Perhaps it could help. When we met the SP told me this was a personal Everest. ‘Bloody hell here we go,’ I thought.
All my worries about the efficacy of SP came rushing back. The Everest metaphor did it. Not because it was something Tony Robbins might say but because it missed the point. Conquering Everest was not the aim. It was more important to ruminate, struggle, grapple, curse and celebrate while you attempted the ascent.
Alistair told me to keep an open mind. If I didn’t I’d be wasting my time. It was wise counsel. After all I sought him out. There was no point in quibbling about words. Everest, goal, quest- call it what you want but have some faith, believe in the process he argued. As near as I can remember it, this is the exchange we had.
Why are you doing this, he asked?
Er I want to score a hundred but I want to enjoy, yes enjoy, how utterly cruel batting is.
So you don’t want to score a hundred?
What do you mean?
Well you seem more interested in, in, the em, lets call it the metaphysics of batting
What do you mean?
You’re interested in the immeasurable; the experience of batting, the angst and the attendant narrative of the experience … of trying to get this hundred that is.
Could you put that in layman’s terms?
So if you don’t get there, you still have a narrative. That seems just as important to you.
Yes that’s kinda of right but, but, you’re arguing that I win whatever happens, that trying to get this hundred is just as worthwhile as getting it.
So you don’t want to score a hundred then, you just want to try to get one
Yes I do but it’s not all important, nothing to lose sleep over.
But you have stayed awake at night sometimes and regretted a shot you played or the way you batted?
Yes, yes, how did you know? I’ve done this all my life.
So you have lost sleep over it.
Not sleep, time, I’ve lost time. I think. Though it’s not a bad way to pass time is it- regretting the shots you played.
You’re doing it again,
What?
Making sure you don’t lose; discounting failure.
What’s wrong with that? That seems pretty healthy to me. I dont want to be near suicidal about this do I?
You can be facetious if you want but do you really want help or more drama for your story?
I had one session with Al and promised to return for a few more when the season started. We had a general chat and he offered a few tips. He talked about visualisation. I won’t bore you with all that entails. It’s not the same thing as dreaming about a scoring a hundred, which is what I ‘ve been doing for two decades.
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