“You are opening.” 3 words I’m not fond of. I prefer hiding in the middle order to see what’s coming . As I noted last season I only open when the pitch is lively, there is a bloody good bowler or both. The Navy’s opening bowler ran in mantis like and wanged the ball down at 80mph on a fruity wicket.
Ball 1 reached for my throat and tried to strangle me. Jesus Christ, you’re going to die I thought. Call for a helmet. Call for a helmet. But I didnt. That would be backing down. Who was I kidding? Even Lara wore a helmet. A few doubts crept in to my head then.
Ball 2 and 3 were right up there again. By ball 4 I was ducking for my life. Come ball 5 it was time to get a single and face this tyro, from the other end.
With no helmet- I don’t own one and have not worn one in 15 years- fear took over. I’m not scared of being hit. Yes I am. But what makes you dread the challenge of quick bowling is the small fact that the greatest batsmen in the world wear protection. If they do it, perhaps you should.
You have to go on youtube to find footage like this; batsmen ducking and swaying, both feet off the ground, head back as the ball whizzes past their nose no seems to belong a past era when West Indian bowlers terrorised the world.
There was a tennis ball bounce effect on this wicket. Shame a cricket ball isn’t as soft as a tennis ball. Those who know a thing or two about wickets told me the pitch was green, had a bit of juice but was slow.
Just what does the hell does that mean? I was told that on a quick wicket bouncers keep their trajectory and head towards the keeper at roughly the same height as they as pass by your head.
On the Burnaby road pitch there was the opposite- a parabola curve. The ball flew over you but dipped remarkably afterwards. Fascinating stuff hey? What difference this makes to being struck in the face is not one I’ve worked out. I also havent worked out why the fast bowler was aiming for my head.
I was told later that fast bowlers like trying to kill you if you’re not wearing a helmet. It’s a respect thing. Not wearing a helmet inspires them to want to murder you. Wearing one means they are less inclined to try to kill you. What rankled though was that he was trying to kill me illegally. If he wanted to skull me then he could have done legally- with a straight arm and not a bloody bent one. There’s no fair play anymore is there?
To my eyes his bowling arm was crooked as MPs expenses. I’ve got it on film. See whether you think his arm is bent enough to classify as a throw. Whatever the laws says about permissible degrees of bend in your delivery arm, all batsman know the tell tale signs when someone is chucking it. You see the ball all the way. The bowler isn’t quick in the air but all of a sudden the ball seems to quicken after impacting the wicket.
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